


The Many Adventures of Hux

by gundamoocow



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Crack, Fanfiction, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-31
Updated: 2018-12-16
Packaged: 2019-08-11 16:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16479206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gundamoocow/pseuds/gundamoocow
Summary: Greetings. My name is Special Agent Armitage Hux, or Agent Flamestorm. I have flaming red hair (which is how I got my code name), that I wear combed back and gelled into place. My eyes are a seafoam green, with a hint of star destroyer gray. I cut an elegant figure, much like the widely revered Grand Moff Tarkin(AN: if you don’t know who he is, then you must be living under a rock on Jakku).





	1. If Hux Could Kill

**Author's Note:**

> [This video](https://nerdist.com/domhnall-gleeson-star-wars-hux-ideas/) basically explains everything.
> 
> The rating and tags may change with new chapters.

**If Hux Could Kill**

_AN: special thanks to my dear friend DM for proofreading and feedback._

Greetings. My name is Special Agent Armitage Hux, or Agent Flamestorm. I have flaming red hair (which is how I got my code name), that I wear combed back and gelled into place. My eyes are a seafoam green, with a hint of star destroyer gray. I cut an elegant figure, much like the widely revered Grand Moff Tarkin _(AN: if you don’t know who he is, then you must be living under a rock on Jakku)_. I am an undercover agent working on dangerous secret missions, but I have always avoided any capture or injury, leaving my body in perfect condition. I’m an interplanetary man of mystery (in case you couldn’t tell), and I wear mostly sharply cut black suits. For example, today I wore finely threaded black gaberwool trousers, a white silk tunic with a black vest and a matching black kravat and a black capelet, and shiny black leather boots. I was wearing nude lip gloss on my plush lips. My face was clean-shaven and free from blemishes. I was walking into the casino at Canto Bight. The air was calm and the horizon was the beautiful colour of a sunset that matched my hair, which I was happy about. My archnemesis, the evil crime lord Kylo Ren, stared at me. I sneered at him.

You see, my mission that night was to defeat Ren in a game of wits disguised as a simple sabacc match. I was hired to investigate a series of private property destructions and assaults, and the trail of evidence led to Ren. Luckily, Ren was a known gambler and also an imbecile, so I was sure to win.

I went to the bar, staring at Ren from across the room while I drank a red Correllian Kicker cocktail without getting drunk. He was wearing a black suit with a high collar, but a low cut shirt that went down to the middle of his chest in a narrow vev shape. His trousers were tight and tucked into shiny boots. His hair was loose and dark, and his nose was so big and ugly and freckled that I wished he was wearing a mask to cover it up.

I turned back to the bar to ignore him, until I heard a voice behind me.

“Agent Flamestorm,” said the voice.

It was Ren!

“How did you know who I am?” I asked angrily, but still keeping my cool and sounding completely collected at the same time.

“I have my ways,” Ren said flirtily.

“Then you know why I’m here,” I said.

“You’re going to arrest me,” Ren said.

“I will take you down, if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Okay,” Ren said, grinning. “If you beat me at sabacc, I’ll let you arrest me. But if I win, I’m going to capture you.”

I sneered. This was basically my plan, and Ren had walked right into it. “Very well,” I said, pointing my nose up.

We went to a sabacc table, and a crowd quickly gathered. I grinned while the dealer dealt us our cards. My first hand was excellent, and so was my second. I knew exactly what to play and when, while Ren grew more and more angry. Finally, he played an Idiot’s Array, and victory was mine. The crowd went wild. No one had seen Ren lose before.

“You’re mine, Ren,” I said, grinning.

“No way,” Ren shouted, then flipped the table and ran off.

I chased after him, pushing past other people in the casino. Ren was big and muscular, so he was slow. Meanwhile, I’m athletic and slim, so I caught up to him easily, just as he ran into a dark hallway. He tried to throw a swing at me, but I ducked, then upper-cut him in the jaw. He pushed me against the wall in retaliation, and I could feel his big, hard body pressing against me, all disgusting and sweaty.

“I’ve got you now, Flamestorm,” he growled in my ear with gross hot breath.

I smiled because he was wrong. I quickly dropped to the ground, slipping out of his grasp, then dove between his legs and jumped up behind him. Quick as a loth-cat, I pulled out my specially engineered blaster (set to stun) that I designed myself and shot him from behind. His body flopped onto the ground. I quickly put his hands into binders, then picked him up over my shoulder and carried him to my custom luxury star yacht.

_AN: That’s all for now. Please leave a review. I might write a part 2, and maybe it will be a lemon, but I haven’t decided yet._


	2. The Hux Stops Here

**Comments on If Hux Could Kill:**

> **sx6969**  
>  idiot’s array is a winning hand not losing, do you even know how to play
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  That doesn’t make any sense. Why would it be called the Idiot’s Array if it was a bad hand?
> 
> _View next 137 comments in this thread?_

 

> **keenreader**  
>  Wait is Hux crushing on Ren??
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  Of course not.
> 
> **keenreader**  
>  But you said lemon later?
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  Not involving Ren! It’s Agent Flamestorm and an original character.

 

> **anon**  
>  This was shit. Your writing sucks. 
> 
> ****
> 
> ****
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  I have access to your designation number.

****

> **darthvaderrulez**  
>  WTF? You think Kylo Ren would lose like that? Kylo could crush Hux with his little finger. And Hux carrying Kylo over his shoulder? You’ve gotta be kriffing kidding. Kylo Ren is shredded.
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  Agent Flamestorm is strong and wiry. He would have no problem picking up Ren.
> 
> **darthvaderrulez**  
>  That’s bantha shit and you know it.
> 
> **general_inferno**  
>  Who is writing this? You or me??!

 

* * *

 

**The Hux Stops Here**

 

_AN: This Agent Flamestorm story is based on the Captured and Captured 2 holofilms. Thanks again to DM for feedback and encouragement. To everyone else, Sabacc is a game with no merit whatsoever, and given the new First Order-wide ban on it, I will no longer be discussing it._

 

After taking out many Rebel organisations, solving crimes, and defeating his archenemy Kylo Ren, Agent Flamestorm decided to retire so he could focus on his beloved cat, Millicent.

_(AN: it made more sense to switch to 3rd person here)_

Millicent was Agent Flamestorm's pride and joy. She's a delightful ginger tabby, cute as a button, champion mouser. Her vermin-catching abilities rival Flamestorm's.

Keen to demonstrate her own superiority, Millicent's ambition was to win the galactic cat championships, which Flamestorm wanted to make happen. Anything for his gorgeous darling!

After hours and hours of training and grooming to perfection, Flamestorm (now traveling under his real name, Armitage Hux), puts Millicent in her luxury cat carrier and they go to the pageant.

_(AN: some irl things happened while writing this, so I decided to change the plot a little)_

While travelling through a spaceport, Hux received word that the director of his elite agency, Supreme Director Snoke, was murdered! He must change his plans, but he didn't want to disappoint Millicent.

Speaking of Millicent… where did she go??

A moment ago, she was with Hux. He quickly got his comm-link and called hers (he used it to communicate with her whenever he was on a mission). Whoever had her would hopefully answer.

~ beep beep beep ~

“Hello?”

A male voice answered. In the background, Hux heard Millicent meow in distress.

“Who is this?” Hux asked. “Give me back my cat!”

The man on the other end of the line laughed. “You'll never see your cat again.”

“I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you are looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have credits. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you. If you let my cat go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you, I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

The man laughed again. “Good luck.”

Immediately, Hux sprang into action. He went home to get all of his Agent Flamestorm stuff. Unbeknownst to the kidnapper, Hux could still track Millicent. He'd get Millicent back, and then he'd kill the kidnapper. His excellent senses also told him that this was connected to Snoke somehow. People from his agency were being targeted, probably by friends of the criminals Hux arrested.

He got his personal blaster, which only responded to his fingerprints, and the rest of his things and flew to where Millicent was in his luxury star yacht. While flying, he did some research and called his personal contacts and found out that Kylo Ren had escaped custody and was running an illegal cat trafficking operation. He dug a little deeper and found out that Ren was also the prime suspect in Snoke's murder, since he had fought his way out. Hux was right!!

Hux landed at an abandoned warehouse where Millicent's tracker was. He snuck inside and found a lot of captive cats there, including Millicent!

First, he had to take out the bad guys. A bunch of them attacked him at the same time, and Hux fought them all off. He spotted Ren in the distance and chased after him.

“Why did you kidnap my cat?” he shouted.

“It's just business, nothing personal!” Ren shouted back.

“It's personal to me!” Hux yelled.

Then he caught up to Ren, beat him up, took his clothes, and tied him up. To get revenge, he connected electrodes to his sensitive places and zapped him a few times, then put him under arrest to be imprisoned again.

After it was all over, Hux saved his dear Millicent and the rest of the cats.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on the [tumblr](https://agent-nemesis.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
